EMPOWERING STUDENT WELLNESS

DELAYED GRATIFICATION

BY MATT EDWARDS (SECONDARY CHAPLAIN)

Once we can believe and accept that life is difficult, delayed gratification becomes one of the tools that can enrich our lives and help develop us into more productive and responsible people.

When I was growing up, I was taught to eat the things I didn’t like first, so I could enjoy what I liked at the end. Without realising it, I was being taught to delay the good stuff so that I could enjoy it more later. If we avoid the more challenging everyday tasks we need to do, it can feel like they are hanging over our heads. Rather, by doing the hard things first, we can have more freedom to enjoy our time doing the things we find easier or more pleasant.

Avoidance and ignorance are common responses to facing the pain that problems generate. This is often expressed as distraction. Yet, we happen to have access to things we can enjoy “at the ready.” To think that our phones, even 10 years ago, had far superior processing power than the spacecraft that NASA sent to the moon, Uranus, and Neptune is startling. So, because our society channels us to be averse to pain and we have ample means of distracting ourselves from it, what is the suggested method to delay gratification?

Scott Peck suggests three things for our kids: they need a sense of self-worth, a safe place to exist, and people around them who model and practice delayed gratification as part of their own lives. If a child feels that they are a valuable person and that they have a secure existence, they have a strong and healthy platform to face difficulties. Of course, when they see how others confront these difficulties, it makes it much easier to apply this to their own lives too. Particularly when others are willing to suffer the pain alongside them, they can see that it is actually worth suffering themselves.

Dealing with a challenge earlier rather than later can actually enable more enjoyment from life because there is less time spent on the problem. While this also allows our kids to develop the skills to manage their lives, it may well require a shift in the way they perceive their life. Life is hard, that is normal, and that’s okay.

For further information and for more articles of interest, please see the below:

https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/newsletter/resilience - Interviews with Leading Specialists

Dealing with Disappointment https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/wellbeing_news/special-report-dealing-disappointment

What is Resilience https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/newsletter-external-resource/resilience-what-it-nhs-trust