From the Assistant Principal: Wellbeing

By Kerryn Boyko

Dr Judith Locke

We were delighted to welcome clinical psychologist Dr Judith Locke to the College on the first day of Term 2 to work with our staff. During these valuable sessions, Dr Locke emphasised the importance of young people being equipped with five key capabilities for life beyond school: resilience, self-regulation, resourcefulness, respect and responsibility.

Dr Locke’s parent session, held the following evening, was very well attended and provided practical, research-informed strategies to support families in fostering their teenager’s confidence, independence and resilience. The feedback from parents was overwhelmingly positive and encouraging of the College to continue to invite experts in to speak with parents. 

Our staff remain committed to supporting students with both their academic progress and personal development, and we know this work is most effective when undertaken in partnership with families.

Together, we support our young people to continue to develop the skills they need to thrive beyond school. We encourage students to:

• recognise that setbacks and experiences of discomfort are a normal part of growth and build resilience  
• strengthen their self-discipline to look beyond the present moment to the future. We know that with maturity, self-regulation becomes easier, allowing students to retain focus on longer-term goals
• know that acting with respect and consideration for others shows understanding of their responsibilities as members of a community

How to support your child when they try out for the team or the role 

Written by Judith Locke who presented to our staff and parents in April, 2026 

So, your child is about to make a speech in a bid to be class captain, or audition for the musical, or try out for the debating or soccer team. What’s the best way parents can help children through the process?

Schools are filled with opportunities for children to participate. This can be in the chorus or a main role in the musical, getting on the school team of their favourite sport, joining a select group to represent the school in mathematics or debating, or taking on a leadership role in their class or as a prefect or student representative. It’s no wonder at nearly any time of the year, there are children worried about trying out and being chosen for the role or position of their dreams.

It's not only students who are worried about the audition process and eventual outcome. Parents are sometimes equally nervous that their child will miss out on the chance to do what they want to do. Because of this, many mothers and fathers will step in and help as much as they can throughout the process. 

But not all help is helpful, and in this column, I want to explain the best ways you can support your child to do their best in the application process. 

Don’t force them to try out.

Some children want to be leaders, and some want to stretch themselves to try for a big part or the best team. But not all children are the same, and sometimes a child is quite happy leaving the class captain or speaking role to another person. 

Don’t force your child to try out for things they don’t want to do. If you think they are limiting themselves or lacking the necessary confidence to try out, avoid telling them they should try, or report disappointment that they don’t make an attempt. 

Instead, start off with “Have you thought about trying out for the team?” If they reply they don’t have any chance to get on it, then remind them that the benefit of the process is to work at getting better at trying out. Remind them that most people have to work at improving their skills in auditioning or sport tryouts and that learning to cope with nerves will help them when they do future tricky things, such as job interviews. Suggest that success is all in the practice and that school provides great opportunities to do that. 

If they still don’t want to try for this chance, then leave them be. But if they are keen to throw their hat in the ring, move on to the next stage.

Coach but don’t do.

Be a little involved, but not too involved. For example, it is unhelpful for parents to write a student’s class captain attempt speech for their child. Teachers know immediately if your child is stumbling over unfamiliar words and phrases, and kids will always do better if they have had a major hand in what they are saying. Help your child a little bit if they ask for your assistance, but only on small sections and don’t edit or alter the whole thing.

Another way to help is that you can be their audience as they practise their speech or audition piece a few times. If it is a sporting tryout, then help them kick a few goals in the backyard or take them to the local pool. But when observing them, try not to give too many suggestions on how they can improve. Ideally, ask them what they think they did well first and then what they could possibly try to do better. If they ask for your thoughts, try to say one good thing and one thing they might think about. But also remember that you might not be on the ball yourself, and your assessment of their debating speech might not be the same as the debating coach might offer. Thus, it is best to let them self-assess as much as possible and avoid excessive judgment of their work.

If they are nervous, don’t reassure them of a likely great outcome.

It feels awful when your child is anxious. To make them (and you) feel better, it is one of the easiest things in the world to tell them not to worry and that you are sure they will do well. But that is a false assurance because you don’t know what is going to happen, nor do you know the standard of competition. This means that if they don’t get what they are looking for then they will feel even worse, because you kind of promised that they would, and you have built their ego and their expectations of the outcome.

Instead, listen to them talk about any nervous feelings, name the emotions, empathise with them, and then normalise their response ('I’m sure a lot of children will be nervous about the auditions today. I know I used to get nervous too when I was at school – and even now in job interviews.') Remind them of the purpose – to feel proud of themselves for trying out and slowly getting better at the process. Mention that getting the role or position they want will be the icing on top, and if they don’t they get it, then there are other options, such as being a part of the B team or the backstage crew or chorus.

If they are saying strong emotions to get your reassurance, avoid giving them this. We are all good at saying big statements to get a false guarantee from someone else (for example, ‘I’m going to fail and make a fool of myself!’ is often followed by ‘No you won’t.’) Instead, remain open to a range of outcomes and stress that they are there to get better at these things. Most things we fear don’t end up as bad as we anticipated, and it is always best to wait the outcome with patience, rather than expecting instant answers of the result. 

With positions of added responsibility … come with added responsibility.

It is important to remind your child that when they want to take on additional activities or roles in the school that they will have new accountabilities to their team, class, coach, or teachers. They can’t be on a team and not be at training, they can’t be a leader if they don’t do the work involved and step up a little in maturity and trustworthiness. 

The costs of such activities are that things are likely to get busier for them, but the benefits are that they will learn to juggle responsibilities better, make new acquaintances and friends, learn new skills, and further develop their maturity.

Thus it is critical you are clear that they can’t get the kudos of the role without doing the work. If they apply for it, then they are signing up to that, and if later they complain that they are busier, remind them that is part of the role for which they applied. 

Additionally, it should go without saying that they follow the rules of participation, and if they don’t, you allow the school to implement whatever the consequence. For example, if they miss training, then they likely miss some, or all, of the next game, and students and their parents need to accept that. Competitors also don’t get to be rude to the other players if the outcome is not what they wanted. Thus the onus is on them to continue to show sportspersonship and graciousness in competitions. Speaking of that….

Accept the outcome – regardless of what it is!

When the team or the roles are announced, then your child will either be happy, somewhat disappointed, or very disappointed. As their parent, you can be happy for them if they got what they wanted and encourage them to feel proud of themselves. But if they missed out, your support is crucial too, and you should listen and empathise with them when they tell of their sadness and disappointment. 

What if the outcome devastates them and they can’t seem to overcome it? Well, they are certainly allowed to be disappointed, but being overwhelmed with sad emotions is a bad sign. It usually means that a child actually expected to get what they wanted, and there is an arrogance in that expectation.

To prevent this, it is important that in the lead-up, you remind your child that many outcomes are likely and that they should expect to achieve their preferred outcome. In fact, I often suggest to schools that when children apply for anything, they should guarantee that they will accept the decision, and not dispute it or make strong emotional statements that try to guilt a school into giving them what they wanted. People won’t become a good team player (or co-worker) if they think they know better than the coach, umpire or rest of the participants. It is also problematic if they have an expectation of eventual triumph, and exhibit signs of being a sore loser when that doesn’t happen. 

Parents should also respect the school’s choices. I’ve lost count of the number of schools who tell me that parents will threaten to withdraw their child’s enrolment because they didn’t get the lead role, leadership position, or be placed on the first team. 

Remember, school events should be preparing your child for real life – no one gets everything they apply for, and everyone needs to learn to cope when disappointment happens. I have even had employers tell me that parents are calling workplaces, furious that their adult child did not get a particular promotion or were chided at work for not doing what they were supposed to do. Remember a golden rule of mine - you will help your child accept the outcome if you show them that you accept it too. 

Well, all there is to say now is ‘good luck’. If they are heading on stage, I hope they break a leg: if they are heading on a sporting field, I hope they don’t.

© Judith Locke

Dr Judith Locke is a Clinical Psychologist and registered teacher who presents sessions for parents and teachers at schools around Australia and internationally. For more of Judith’s work read her parenting books, The Bonsai Child (also available in Mandarin) and The Bonsai Student. Judith has recently co-authored the parenting book, Raising Anxiety, with Dr Danielle Einstein. You can also follow Judith’s Facebook page Confident and Capable.

School TV: 

SchoolTV is another valuable wellbeing resource available to parents, located on our Loreto College webpage. Designed to address modern parenting challenges, the resources on this platform often feature Australian adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg. The diverse range of videos and articles are grounded in current research and are designed to help families support the development of happy, resilient and confident young people. Practical guidance is offered on topics such as mental health, social media use and school attendance.

A new topic has been released this week: Dealing with Conflict

Resources and Support for Families on Teens Vaping and Smoking

Parents, carers, schools, and community all play an important role in protecting children and young people from, and educating them about, the harmful effects of smoking and vaping.

Research from VicHealth shows that young people care about what their parents, carers and older siblings think and do about vaping. 

The Department of Education has developed resources to help you learn more about the health risks of smoking and vaping. The resources include advice about how to talk to children and young people about vaping, and where to get support. 

To access the resources, go to https://www.vic.gov.au/smoking-and-vaping-advice-parents

You can also view this video on smoking and vaping from experts at the Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne for health advice and tips for starting a conversation with young people.

Other resources:

https://www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/resources/resource-download/vaping-conversation-guide-parents

https://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/fact_sheets/E-cigarettes_and_teens/

https://adf.org.au/talking-about-drugs/vaping/vaping-youth/talking-about-vaping/

Advice services

Alcohol and Drug Foundation – online chatbot

Headspace offer mental health support online, by phone and in person through headspace centres

Youth, Drugs and Alcohol Advice provide a youth-specific advice service from 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday – phone 1800 458 685

Australian Government: Give Up For Good – national campaign and resources for quitting smoking and vaping