COUNSELLING CONNECTIONS

In Tragedy We are Family

For many in our Saints community this is a tough time. It is a time of mourning, of heartfelt connections with our community members, heightened concerns for our loved young people, anxious thoughts about how we are living with and loving those close to us.

It would be foolish to say I have answers. The Book of Job acknowledges that evil is in this world, it has effects beyond our comprehension and yet our loving God is the source and destiny of goodness and life.

I have written recently to every student at the College and to their parents or carers. My message, based on my training and experiences, is threefold: 

1. As much as possible, keep doing what is normal and usual for you to be doing.
2. If you are struggling, under pressure or very sad, reach out to an adult to ask for help. Reach out to a parent, a teacher, a trusted adult. Reach out and tell them that you want some help or even just someone to listen.
3. If you see a friend or a classmate who seems to be struggling, under pressure or very sad, ask them: “ARE YOU OK?” Listen closely to their response. If you think that they are not OK, help them reach out to a parent, teacher or a trusted adult. If your friend does not seem able or willing to reach out, reach out for them.

I am also aware that times of transition are especially challenging. Our Year 12 students and their families are experiencing a major transition from the smaller world of school life to the larger world of post-secondary education: be it further education, apprenticeship and training, work or a gap year. The challenges of transitions are not always uniform or immediate and can surface after the honeymoon elation of "school’s done". 

I have attached a file After Hours Counselling Supports to the original email to our boys, and I link the same file here for you. 

The listed services are free, confidential and staffed by trained people 24/7. Please print and store this file in a safe, convenient space.

There are several further resources I recommend to parents:-

Supporting a child through grief and loss

BeyondBlue Grief and Loss

BeyondBlue After a Suicide Loss

Supporting a Child After a Suicide

A last word. In an earlier time it was thought that grief comes (and goes) in stages. My understanding is that stage theories of grief are not helpful yet grief has some commonly observed aspects including:

• Grief is an individual experience, that is we all grieve in our own way; to grieve a loved one’s death or departure is human.
• There is no set sequence or order in how we grieve.
• It is not uncommon to experience sadness and anger and disappointment in others, regrets about relationships, even blaming oneself at various times and even all mixed together.
• There is no set time for grieving, yet those around us can sense when natural human grieving becomes something less healthy and the less healthy needs to be addressed with a skilled person.
• There is no set intensity of grieving, yet if grieving for more than a couple of days prevents one doing the usual things of our day, that is a signal for a skilled person to be involved.

If you have questions or concerns, about how your family is coping or how your son is reacting, please reach out to:

Ms Marijke Keller mkeller@cns.catholic.edu.au 07 4052 9136 or

Br Roger Vallance brroger@cns.catholic.edu.au 07 4052 9135

If you have questions or requests for information or for help, be assured that we are  determined to be a helpful resource and support for you and your sons.

In these difficult times, we all need to remember to take good care of ourselves so that we can offer the best of care to our loved ones.