Wellbeing

Being With Our Kids vs. Constantly Doing With Them

Modern parenting can feel like a never-ending balancing act. We strive to give our children every advantage, be it through sports, tutoring, music, dance or clubs, hoping to prepare them for a bright future. While structured activities can offer enrichment and valuable skills, an overloaded schedule can have unintended effects on their wellbeing.

Why Unstructured Time Matters

Research consistently shows that unstructured, child-led play is vital for healthy development. It fosters creativity, emotional resilience and self-regulation. Studies have found that children who engage in more free play develop stronger executive function skills, such as planning, organisation, time management, working memory, self-control and adaptability, compared to those with heavily scheduled routines.

But today, much of children’s “downtime” is spent on screens. While it may appear restful, screens keep the brain in a heightened state of stimulation. Instead of recharging, kids can end up feeling more agitated, distracted or emotionally dysregulated. It also robs them of the opportunity to learn how to naturally unwind.

Signs that a child may be overscheduled or overstimulated include frequent meltdowns or mood swings, poor sleep, recurring headaches or stomachaches and increasing resistance to activities, especially if you’re hearing “I’m tired,” or “I don’t want to go,” more often than usual. These are important signals that a child may need more rest, more space and more unstructured time to simply be.

True Rest Is Presence

True rest comes from slowing down and simply being. Children learn how to relax and manage quiet moments by watching us. When we model calmness, presence and how to navigate boredom without constant stimulation, they learn to do the same.

Simple, Screen-Free Ways to Connect

You don’t need elaborate plans or perfect conditions. The goal isn’t to “do” more, but to “be” more, with them. Here are some calming, connection-building activities to try:

Build a blanket fort and read inside together (or side by side).
Paint or colour next to each other (watercolours, doodling, or paint-by-numbers).
Create a snack plate and have a quiet “indoor picnic” with soft music or nature sounds.
Work on a puzzle together, no rush.
Bake something simple; cookies, banana bread, scones and enjoy it warm.
Garden together, even if it’s just potting a plant.
Go for a walk and collect “treasures” like leaves or stones.
Do yoga or gentle stretches side by side (there are many free kid-friendly videos available).
Have a screen-free Sunday morning with shared breakfast and reading time.
Wash the car or fold laundry together, chatting as you go.
Draw your favourite memories and share the stories behind them.
Make a glitter bottle or “calm jar” to shake together when feeling overwhelmed.
Play a board game slowly, no pressure, no competition.
Watch the clouds, stargaze or listen for birds in the evening.
Teach them a childhood game (elastics, hopscotch, hand-clapping rhymes.)

Intentional Screen Time Can Be Connection Time, Too

It’s not about banning screens, it’s about using them intentionally, together. Watching a movie as a family, playing a few rounds of Mario Kart or laughing over funny videos side by side can be joyful, bonding moments, especially when screens are a shared experience, not a solo one.

The key difference is that you’re doing it together. These moments can be cosy, connecting and even restorative, especially when they’re balanced with offline time.

This Holiday, Try a Day With Nothing Planned

For these upcoming holidays, we challenge you to set aside an entire day at home with no plans. Yes, it might sound intense but see it as an opportunity to show your kids what a slow, restful day at home can look like. Sleep in. Take that afternoon nap. Build a blanket fort. Drink hot chocolate. Scrapbook photos of the kids.Finally read that book you’ve been meaning to get to.

At first, your children might not know what to do without solo screen time or scheduled activities but that’s okay. Like any skill, learning to enjoy unstructured time takes practice. Trust us: they’ll want to join you. And the benefits? They extend far beyond just your kids, a slower pace supports everyone's wellbeing, yours included.

Happy Holidays,

Julie and Paddy