Wellbeing

Watch Your Language: How the Words Kids Hear Can Harm Their Wellbeing (and What to Say Instead)
Here's how to remove the drama from kids' language for better mental health and wellbeing.
Aug 20, 2025
What’s wrong with this statement?
“Children’s anxiety levels are shooting through the roof right now, destroying their mental health and stopping learning in its tracks.”
Factually incorrect? No, as statistical and anecdotal evidence support it.
Irrelevant? No, as anxiety is a serious mental health condition that gets worse if ignored.
Exaggeration? I don’t think so.
Over-dramatic? You bet. Totally over the top.
The culprit is the choice of words.
“Shooting through the roof”, “destroying their mental health” and “stopping learning in its tracks” are attention-grabbing, designed to raise the reader’s anxiety level.
These days, with a premium on speed, we live in a world that goes directly from “difficulties” to “crisis” without stopping along the way at “challenges” or “problems”.
The language we hear in mainstream media, social media, and conversations is constantly peppered with absolutes (“she’s a superstar”), exaggeration (“the best ever”), and catastrophe (“worst in a century”).
Extreme Language, once used to gain attention sparingly, is now used so much it’s an entrenched part of the communication landscape.
Language doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
The language we hear becomes the words we use when speaking to ourselves and others.
Crucially, our language affects our emotions and, in the long run, our wellbeing.
If this is true for adults with life experience to measure against, imagine the impact of Extreme Language on children with little experience to draw on for comparison.
No wonder many kids (and their parents) live in a constant state of high stress and anxiety.
If you’re looking for an obvious way to reduce the impact of events (whether world, local, or personal) on kids, start by watching your language and challenging children when they use extreme language.
Here's what to do:
1. Moderate Your Language.
A friend of mine talks in absolutes.
- A tasty meal: “The tastiest meal I’ve ever eaten.”
- A beautiful sunset: “The best I’ve seen.”
- Late for work: “It was the worst feeling ever.”
This type of language encourages black-and-white thinking, where everything is excellent or terrible.
Life is grey, so moderate your language, saving the extremes… well, for when they are really warranted.
The key is to ensure your language (and children’s) aligns with reality.
A delicious meal, a lovely sunset, and feeling guilty when you’re late for work are more realistic responses that teach kids that there is plenty of wriggle room when things go wrong (or right).
By moderating your language, you help stop kids from going from zero to ten on the catastrophe scale.
2. Avoid Using Clinical Language (when it’s not warranted).
Greater recognition in recent decades of clinical issues such as anxiety, depression and other mental health issues has seen a rise in the use of clinical terms in daily life.
Using clinical terms is fine if we’re referring to a medically diagnosed issue such as anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or depression. It's not so smart to use such terms to refer to kids’ everyday life issues.
Labelling a child’s worrying before a math test as anxiety may be stretching it. Most likely, they’re nervous, which is quite normal.
Calling out a child’s behaviour as “a bit OCD” isn’t accurate unless they’ve been diagnosed as such. Maybe they’re just fussy, focused or finicky.
Referring to a child as depressed when they are experiencing a moody moment because everything went wrong at school can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s crucial to be aware of the language you use when talking about a child’s behaviour and wellbeing, and focus on using descriptive language (You look worried) rather than medical or clinical terms that are currently in vogue.
3. Use The Right Word.
Do you have a catch-all word for good events?
“Stunning.” “Brilliant.” “Genius.”
What about for adverse events?
“Awful.””“The Worst!” “Catastrophic.”
The modern tendency to limit our vocabulary by using fewer favourite words is a post-internet phenomenon.
Speed to message means we revert to a vocabulary of favourites that may convey a broad message, but lacks the nuance necessary for fundamental understanding.
So everything spoken is about scale (“biggest”), absolutes (“worst”) and becomes vague (“It was great”).
The solution?
Choose the right word for the job when you speak, especially when communicating with your kids. (Yes, I deliberately chose “communicating with” over “talking to”, as the former implies listening and speaking and the latter is all one way).
There are dozens of ways to describe scared, happy, sad, and mad, so choose your words wisely and well when talking about emotions and any other issues your child may have.
4. Tone Down Their Language.
If your child tends to exaggerate or catastrophize, respectfully invite them to tone down their language a few notches. You can do so by:
a) Challenging what they say:
“I failed the math test. I’m dumb at math.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry you didn’t do as well at the test as you hoped. Even so, that doesn’t mean you can’t do math.”
b) Rephrasing their language:
“The worst thing that happened to me today?”
“Yes, it hurts when others talk about you behind your back.”
c) Reframing the situation so they see it more realistically:
“I’ll never please Mrs. D. She hates me.”
“Hmm. “I guess Mrs. D has high expectations, and sometimes you don’t meet them. What do you think?”
Remember, gently challenge how your child may see a situation, but be mindful that for your child, their point of view is valid.
Finally……
Use these tools to help your child moderate their language, thinking and emotions.
As an adult, find nuance and accuracy in the words you use when describing events, both positive and negative. Also, use everyday language rather than clinical or medical terms when talking about wellbeing.
Remove the drama from difficult situations and events, moving to problem-solving instead.
The Language of Moderation, rather than the Language of Extremes, helps keep our lives and moods on an even keel, which is pertinent at a time when it feels the world is in a state of constant flux.