Counsellor's Corner

7 steps to building strong friendships

Friendships make school a lot more enjoyable – they are where we share laughs, find support and feel part of something special. But we all know that friendships can be tricky sometimes, whether it is dealing with conflicts, feeling left out or finding a group where you feel comfortable. 

Here are some practical tips to help make friendships easier and more rewarding.

When something feels “off” in a friendship, try talking about it openly. Start by using “I” statements – for example, “I feel left out when…” – which helps share your feelings without making anyone feel blamed. And if you are listening to a friend, give them your full attention, and let them know you are there to understand. Good communication helps clear up misunderstandings early on and builds trust over time.

Friendships are healthiest when everyone’s comfort zones are respected. If a friend needs a little space or has a boundary, it’s okay! You can say something like, “I totally understand, just let me know if you change your mind.” Respecting each other’s boundaries – and setting your own – creates a balance where everyone feels valued. Don’t be afraid to tell friends if you need a little time to recharge or focus on yourself, too.

Being the friend who reaches out and includes others makes a huge difference. You might invite someone to join you at lunch, ask a quiet friend if they would like to hang out, or even send a quick message to check in on someone. Small acts like these help build a more welcoming and connected community, and they often lead to deeper friendships.

Conflicts are normal in any relationship, and learning to manage them calmly can actually strengthen friendships. If something’s bothering you, approach it when you’re calm, and start with something positive before getting into the issue. For example: “I really value our friendship, and I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind.” Show you’re open to understanding their side and be willing to compromise or forgive to keep the friendship strong.

Great friends accept each other’s quirks, interests, and differences. Instead of trying to fit a mould or expecting your friends to, focus on embracing what makes each of you unique. By letting everyone be themselves, you’re creating a friendship that feels genuine and supportive, where each person feels valued for who they truly are.

You don’t need a huge group of friends to feel connected. A few close friends who bring out the best in you are worth more than a large circle of acquaintances. Seek out friends who make you feel happy, safe, and appreciated. True friendships are those that offer mutual support, trust, and encouragement.

Finally, take care of yourself in every friendship. If you’re ever feeling drained or overwhelmed, it is okay to set boundaries or take a break to recharge. Friendships should feel balanced, where you’re both giving and receiving support. By practicing self-care, you’re ensuring that you can show up as the best friend you can be, while also looking out for your own well-being.

Friendships are a big part of what makes school memorable, with all the ups and downs that come with them. As we go through this term, remember these tips to help build strong connections and find the friendships that make you feel valued and supported.

Mrs Ebony Kriedemann

School Counsellor