At school we encourage students to 'make mistakes' which can be a challenge for some students. This is important and reflects the work around Growth Mindset. In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.” ( Dweck, 2015). one reason some students find this hard is due to being a perfectionist. The article below explains how this can be both a strength and a challenge.

Parenting a perfectionist?

Children and adolescents may experience perfectionism in relation to school work, sport, performance in art or music, or their own body. Here researchers share how parents can tackle it.

Some children show signs of perfectionism from early on. Young children might become frustrated and rip up their drawing if it’s not quite right. Older children might avoid or refuse to do homework because they’re afraid to make a mistake.

Perfectionism can lead to children feeling overwhelmed, angry and frustrated, or sad and withdrawn.

And yet perfectionism isn’t considered bad in our society. Being called a ‘perfectionist’ can be a compliment — code for being a great worker or student, someone who strives to do their best and makes sure all jobs are done well.

These seemingly polarised views reflect the complex nature of perfectionism.

What is perfectionism?

Researchers often separate perfectionism into two parts:

perfectionistic strivings: being determined to meet goals and achieve highly
perfectionistic concerns: worry about being able to meet high standards, and self-criticism about performance.

While perfectionistic strivings can be positive and lead to high achievement, perfectionistic concerns can lead to a higher chance of children developing eating disorders or anxiety and depression, and having lower academic achievement.

Children and adolescents may experience perfectionism in relation to school work, sport, performance in art or music, or in relation to their own body.

Signs of perfectionistic concerns in children and adolescents may include:

children being highly critical of themselves
their reactions to mistakes seeming to be an overreaction
intense preoccupation and worry over their standards and goals and/or procrastination
significant change in performance, for example, lower academic results
irritability and negative emotions, stress and feelings of worthlessness
social problems with peers and friends, such as bullying and alienating themselves from peers.

A range of genetic, biological and environmental factors influence perfectionism in children. And as a parent, our role is important. While research evidence suggests we can’t successfully increase positive perfectionistic strivings in our children, harsh or controlling parenting can increase negative perfectionistic concerns in children.

Parents who are perfectionistic themselves can also model this to their children.

So, how can we walk the line between supporting our child’s interests and helping them to achieve their potential, without pressuring them and increasing the risk of negative outcomes?

Give them space to grow

Instead of trying to build and shape our children by controlling them and their environment (like a carpenter), parents can embrace the spirit of the gardener – providing lots of space for children to grow in their own direction, and nourishing them with love, respect and trust.

Creating healthy balance

The building blocks of healthy child development are strong loving family relationships, good nutrition, creative play and plenty of physical activity, sleep and rest.

Perfectionism is associated with rigidity, and thinking that there is only one correct way to succeed. We can instead encourage flexibility and creativity in children.

Children’s brains grow through play. There is strong research evidence showing that creative, child-led play is associated with higher emotion regulation skills, and a range of cognitive skills, including problem-solving, memory, planning, flexibility and decision-making.

Play isn’t just for young children either – there’s evidence that explorative, creative play of any kind also benefits adolescents and adults.

There is also evidence that getting active outdoors in nature can promote children’s coping skills, emotion regulation and cognitive development.

Elizabeth Westrupp is an Associate Professor in Psychology at Deakin University.

Gabriella King is an Associate Research Fellow at Deakin University.

Jade Sheen is an Associate Professor at the School of Psychology at Deakin University.

Regards

Jenny Willmott

jwillmott@sjvmulgrave.catholic.edu.au

Deputy Principal/ Student Wellbeing Leader

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