From the Principal

Learning to navigate disappointment and setback

At Kinross Wolaroi, our shared values underpin all that we do. We strive to nurture a community that is grounded in respect, service, personal excellence and a strong sense of belonging. These are not simply ideals; they are qualities we seek to see lived out daily in our students – through their learning, their relationships, their contributions to others, and their willingness to embrace challenge.

An essential part of this journey is learning to navigate disappointment and setback. From time to time, all of us experience moments where things do not go as hoped. For our students, these experiences – whether academic, sporting, social or personal – can feel significant. Yet it is precisely in these moments that character is most powerfully shaped. Learning how to respond with resilience, perspective and courage is critical not only to wellbeing, but also to long-term success.

Some years ago, JK Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, delivered what is called the Commencement Address to the alumni of Harvard University. The title of her speech was ‘The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination’. By weaving her own life story through this speech, Ms Rowling was able to give a wonderfully insightful, inspirational and humorous address – it is well worth watching online if you have the time. 

Whilst the second part of the speech is equally impressive, I have included some of Ms Rowling’s comments below on how failure can inspire success.

“So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

 

"You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

 

"The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.

 

"So, given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.”

This is a message we want our students to embrace. While success is celebrated, it is equally important that they develop the confidence to take risks, try new things and stretch beyond their comfort zones – knowing that not every attempt will lead to immediate success. Avoiding challenge for fear of failure is, in itself, a missed opportunity for growth.

Leading child psychologist, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, in his book, Surviving Year 12: A sanity kit for students and their parents, promotes the following strategies for students when dealing with disappointment:

“It’s only human to focus on what we have lost or missed out on, and in doing so we can easily lose sight of what is important in our lives – our health, our family, our friends and how much we really do have – so maintain your perspective!

It’s always easier to accept disappointment when you know you’ve tried your hardest, so remember that you gave it your best on the day!

When I experience a setback, I ask myself, what did I learn from this experience? See if you can use this as an opportunity to evaluate what changes you need to make to improve your chances of success next time. 

Change your focus – look ahead, not back and set new goals.” 

Dr Carr-Gregg’s strategies provide a good starting point when managing disappointment. It is understandable that, at times, our students will take some setbacks to heart if they have worked hard towards a goal. If not put into perspective, disappointment can create negativity rather than being used as a learning experience. It is essential that students develop resilience to disappointment, as it is a given that they will not always attain all they wish, whilst maintaining confidence to continue to push themselves forward and to take calculated risks. The environment provided by a school should support students to reach for their potential whilst providing a cushion for when they do not attain their desired objective. As a community developing young people of character, we want our students to give it a go, accept their disappointments, and continue with passion to reach for their goals. 

When discussing the benefits of working towards goals without fear of disappointment or failure, Dr Carr-Gregg quotes American novelist Thomas Eugene Roberts, who said, “We pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free.” 

As a school community, our role is to provide both challenge and support – to encourage our students to strive for their potential while offering a strong foundation when things do not go to plan. We want every student to know that it is safe to try, to fail, to learn, and to try again.

Ultimately, our aim is not only that students experience success, but that they develop the character to handle both success and disappointment with humility, grace and determination. We want them to move forward with courage, to embrace opportunity, and to approach life with optimism, purpose and a willingness to grow.

Your sincerely

Timothy Kelly

Principal