ENGLISH

YEAR 8 PERSUASIVE WRITING

The Year 8s have been honing their persuasive writing skills, focusing on selecting their arguments and language in order to convince a specific target audience. For the final assessment, the students needed to write a letter to two different groups on the same issue. 

One such Year 8, Itay Volnerman, chose to write his letters on the issue of the judging of the WoMankinnon/Year 12 Dance Off. Emilia Jhoomun experimented with different tones to explore mental health resources in schools.

Kellie Dickson, Assistant Head of English 

Gillian Goldsworthy, English Teacher

Here are their letters.

Dear Mr Kan,

The WoMankinnon dance competition is a cherished tradition at McKinnon, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that the current judging process is simply unfair. Having just one person - yourself - decide the winner undermines the competition’s integrity and leaves students feeling disheartened. How can we call this fair when bias, even unintentional, creeps in?

If we want to ensure true fairness, we need a change. Similar to the AGCP or Carnival Dance competitions, McKinnon should have a judging panel made up of students and teachers, especially those with experience in dance or the performing arts, this would be the best solution, aligning with the McKinnon values we know and love. This would eliminate any sense of favouritism and ensure that each performance is evaluated by people who truly understand what it takes to deliver a winning routine.

I urge you to consider this carefully. In 2023, the teachers entertained the audience with the male teachers’ shuffles and in 2024 the principal team’s use of the song ‘I Want It That Way’ struck the stage meanwhile the students’ dances were nothing but an attempt at modern but rather dull and subpar at best yet they still won. A panel would not only bring fairness but also restore confidence in the competition. The WoMankinnon is an incredible event that deserves to be judged with integrity and impartiality, allowing the most deserving team to win.

Thank you for taking this into consideration. I trust that with your leadership, we can create a more just and exciting competition for everyone involved.

Sincerely,

Itay Volnerman

McKinnon SC Student

***

Dear Fellow Students,

Are we really going to stand by and let WoMankinnon remain an unfair joke? Year after year, students pour their hearts into their performances, only to have the outcome determined by one person. It’s outrageous! We deserve better than this lopsided system.

Think about it, why should one person’s opinion decide who wins? In major dance competitions like Evolution Dance Competition or Australian Bachata Championship, a panel of judges makes the decisions. This ensures fairness and eliminates any room for bias. Why shouldn’t we have the same? A panel with students and teachers, some with actual dance experience, would ensure something. A fair shot, a fair system and a fair chance.

We have the power to demand a change. If we refuse to participate in WoMankinnon until a fair judging panel is set up, Mr Kan will have no choice but to listen. Our voices matter, and it’s time we stand up for what’s right!

Let’s make WoMankinnon a competition we can all trust again - one that values talent, not just the whims of a single judge.

In solidarity,

Itay Volnerman

Frustrated Future WoMankinnon Participant

***

Dear my fellow students,

I’m angered by how schools handle mental health. Everyone suffers from poor mental health at least once in their lives. Everyone suffers from anxiety or stress in some way shape or form. It’s about how well you and the people around you handle it and try to improve it. 

Imagine walking into a place, a safe place, where you could speak freely about your struggles and worries with no judgement. This is what every single school, household and friend group should be aiming for. 

Mental health, especially in teenagers, should be prioritised in a world where stress, anxiety and depression are common amongst teenagers. Schools play an essential role in a child’s wellbeing and need to offer resources for support and emotional wellbeing. Students, are we absolutely sick of constant pressure from schools and teachers, when we are already experiencing deadly mental health illnesses?

It is crucial we advocate for mental health because of the unwavering pressures of classes, friendships and life-changes. Access to counselling and peer-support can make us feel more understood, enhance our school experience and can make us feel heard rather than bottling up all our feelings. Pushing for more resources could lead to better futures for everyone who feels stuck and down in the dumps.

Also let's remember the serious consequences if people, especially teens don’t get the help they need. Suicide or self-harm can affect any one of us in many different ways and unfortunately suicidal rates in teens have gone up in recent years. But if we push for a better and safer environment, where mental health matters more than grades, we can thrive and avoid losing more lives that shouldn't be lost. Just imagine losing your best friend to suicide, wondering if you could’ve asked them how they were or if they’re really ok and need to talk. A situation like this will change a person's lives forever.

If people are suffering, they have the right to talk about it and schools implementing resources for teenagers can simply save lives.

Finest regards,

Emilia Jhoomun

***

Dear teachers of McKinnon,

I’m worried about the mental health of teenagers. Imagine walking into a classroom where every student is happy, aren't struggling and are ready to learn. Teachers play a crucial role in our mental health, and with more and more teens struggling it’s important that students open up without judgement. Teachers have a significant impact on us and their fostering values can help us.

School’s demands on academic, social and personal values make students feel overwhelmed and isolated. Many of us are stressed, experience anxiety or depression and endure a feeling of inadequacy silently. Schools should implement more resources to express our feelings, emotions and situations as these are important for students to overcome their mental illness, thrive in our school and community and to live our best lives.

There are so many serious consequences when there is a decline in mental health, or it is left untreated. Untreated mental health can manifest behavioural issues, substance abuse, self-harm and in serious situations suicide. Too many young Australians lose their lives every day to suicide. Almost one third (31.8%) of all deaths among Australians aged 15–24 years were due to suicide in 2023. 

You never want a situation where your student is impacted by suicide so badly that their mental health goes even more downhill. You also never want one of your students committing suicide and you wonder if you could’ve done anything to save their lives. Mental health can affect anyone which is why in order to prevent these issues from happening we need more resources at schools, because one life taken not only impacts an individual, it disrupts the whole school environment.

Prioritising mental health resources is essential to address significant pressures students face today. Teachers and schools support is crucial, and you never know what someone is going through or if one conversation or comment you said to them saved them from going down a bad path.

Finest regards,

Emilia Jhoomun