Social Worker Bec
Hi Families,
Bec the School Social Worker here.
Holidays are coming up! This can be both a time of fun and also stress for families if you are not used to spending so much non-stop time together. For primary-aged kids, a really important thing you can get involved in this holidays is giving them more opportunities to make choices on activities and routines, therefore returning responsibility to them. This usually results in less tantrums and more calm, as your child has made a choice, they are aware that it was their decision, and they are much happier to deal with the consequences.
~~~~ Imagine this ~~~~ You wake up in the morning at a time determined by someone else. You get up and get dressed in clothes that someone else has picked out for you. Breakfast? You are given cornflakes, whether you like it or not. Half-finished eating, someone whisks you off on your day’s adventures (which you didn’t get to choose, and you’re not even sure where you are going today). How does this make you feel? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we have no choices, we don’t have a ‘buy-in’. We’re not engaged in the activities we are having to do. It might feel hard to give your child choices when you’re in the middle of a whirlwind of trying to get out of the house in the morning, but adding a few moments of choice can actually make things easier, calmer, and smoother for the whole family! I am going to share a few simple suggestions you can make in your daily routines with your children that have SO many benefits. Adding opportunities for your child to make choices can:
1) Reduce the number of decisions you need to make (phew!)
2) Increase your child’s ‘buy-in’ to your daily routines, meaning they are more willing to join in and go along with the things you have to do because they’ve had some say in it
3) Help your child feel their individual power in the world – showing them that their opinion and choices matter.
EXAMPLES of how to give choices to kids at different communication stages:
Babies/ non verbal children: Hold out two objects and watch them closely to see which one they have a preference for. Watch for eye movement, body movements, and reaching. Try offering 2 books, 2 foods, or 2 toys.
Little ones starting to use sounds and words: Hold out two objects, and say the word for each thing you’re offering. “Monkey book? Or Fish book?” Repeat it 2-3 times. Accept any communication attempt as their choice – they may look at their preferred thing, make a sound, look at you then look at the object, and try to copy your word or gesture/point.
Early talkers who are using 1-2 words or signs: Offer two objects and say “Do you choose banana? Or mandarin?”. Highlight the keywords for the things they’re choosing between.
Kids who can talk, listen, and have simple conversations: You can offer more abstract things, like future plans for routines, or talk about objects that aren’t right there. “Do you choose to go to the park or the pool?”. Highlight your keywords and repeat. You can give your child extra help making the choice by showing pictures of the places they’re choosing from.
You can even add choice giving to the most mundane of your home routines like getting dressed, or eating dinner. Try these ideas:
- Your child can choose which chair to sit in at dinner
- Choose left leg or right leg first when putting on pants
- They can choose a particular song that they will listen to when they brush their teeth.
Making change is hard so be kind to yourself and start small, but I can assure you there is such a magical power in giving your children more involvement in making choices that involve them.