Be Well and Prosper
Parental self-care and self-compassion
Be Well and Prosper
Parental self-care and self-compassion
Difficult conversations cover topics that might be embarrassing, upsetting or controversial for either you or your child. It could also be something that might cause an argument or a conflict between you.
Sex, sexual orientation, masturbation, gender identity, alcohol or other drugs, academic difficulties, self-harm, secrets, social media use, work and money are all topics that families can find difficult to talk about.
If you’re prepared, it can help you feel more confident and comfortable to tackle difficult conversations.
Preparing for difficult conversations with pre-teens and teenagers
There are no scripts for difficult conversations and tricky topics.
But it’s a good idea to think about these topics before your child asks. If you work out a few key points about sex, alcohol, parties and so on beforehand – and even practise them – you’ll be ready when your child asks a tricky question about sex while you’re driving!
And when you’ve had a chance to think about these topics, it’s also a good idea to raise them before your child asks, so your child knows they can talk to you. For example, early conversations about things like sexting can help your child stay safe.
Managing difficult conversations with pre-teens and teenagers
First reactions
Next steps
Your child is becoming an independent young person with their own beliefs, values and opinions. There’ll be times when you and your child have different opinions about tricky topics. That’s OK. This gives you both the chance to hear and respect new perspectives.
When pre-teens and teenagers won’t have difficult conversations
It’s common for teenagers to avoid talking about embarrassing or upsetting topics, especially if you raise them first. Sometimes you might not even realise a topic is upsetting or embarrassing until you raise it.
If your child doesn’t want to have difficult conversations with you, you could try the following:
It’s best to avoid having difficult conversations by text. It can be hard to communicate complex emotions in text messages because you can’t use facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. Text messages are also easily misunderstood.
Benefits of difficult conversations
Tackling difficult conversations together with your child is a sign that you have a healthy relationship. It helps to keep your relationship with your child connected, close and trusting.
This is because your child is likely to feel more connected to you and more open to future conversations if you’re warm, accepting, non-judgmental, uncritical and open to negotiating and setting limits.
And if you know what’s going on in your child’s life, you’re better placed to help them manage difficult situations. Discussing tricky topics with you gives your child the opportunity to explore their choices and work out whether they’re the right ones for them.
Try not to avoid difficult conversations with your child. If you do, your child might end up making choices that have negative consequences. For example, a sexually active teenager who doesn’t ask for advice about contraception might end up with an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection.
Mr Ben Lawless
Researcher