Principal

Managing Kids’ Anxiety

It was wonderful to have the boys back this week and we started the process with Year 10 about their HSC Subject Selection. In catching up with a few parents who, like me, cannot believe how quickly the years have flown by, some parents were commenting to me about the anxiety that their son is currently exhibiting. Their assessments, school reports and now, this decision-making process, is really impacting on many of our lads. This is especially true of our current Year 11 and 12 boys who are nearing the end of Preliminary courses and preparing for HSC Trials respectively.

So, I sought the latest research from Michael Grose, one of Australia’s leading parenting educators. I would like the time to share it with you.

Anxiety is contagious.

When your child becomes anxious, you can easily feel anxious too.

Like the common cold, anxiety is catching, unless you take some precautions.

In his article, Grose offers two frameworks that work simultaneously when your child experiences an anxious moment. First, the SOBER framework, which focuses on you as a parent, is a precautionary approach. Second, the Anxiety Response Plan will show you how to respond when your child is anxious.

Stay SOBER when your child is anxious. It’s easy for stress to get in the way when your child is anxious, so it helps to adhere to the SOBER acronym.

Stop

Multi-tasking is a big part of the parenting gig, but when your child is anxious, they need your full attention. So, stop what you’re doing and focus on your child.

Observe

Shift to observer mode and see what your child is doing and saying. What do you notice? Are they edgy, hanging back or impatient? What are you feeling? Broaden your view to what’s happening around you? This will help ground you in what’s essential.

Breathe

Breathing deeply will dial down your fight-or-flight response (initiated by your child’s anxiety) and activate your relaxation response. A few deep belly breaths are all it takes.

Expand

Are you now ready to broaden your awareness of the possibilities in the moment? Is this the best time and place to discuss this issue? If not, let your child know that you will get back to them as soon as you can. If you can manage this, consider your options.

Respond

The previous five steps have ensured that you don’t emotionally react to your child’s anxious moment. Usually, that’s meant to reassure them, fix the problem, or just hope it goes away. You are now ready to respond. The first words to leave your lips should be: “I get it!”  This is the empathetic response.

Kids want their parents to understand that they feel anxious, nervous, or fearful. You might not grasp the reasons why, but you need to realise that their feelings are genuine, which helps them feel safe. If you don’t know what to say, simply start by saying, “I’m so glad you told me.”

It may take some time to put these thinking skills into practice when you’re responding to your child’s anxiety. That’s fine. These are stressful situations, so it’s hard to be rational.

Eventually, it will become automatic as you practise the SOBER response.

Your Anxiety Response Plan

Knowing in advance how you want to respond to a child who is panicking or becoming overly anxious is beneficial. As you read the following paragraphs, consider how they might relate to your child and how you would respond.

1. Recognise your child’s anxiety

The hardest part is recognising a child's anxiety or panic. It's helpful to know the situations that are likely to cause anxiety. If tackling new subjects at school has caused anxiety in the past, it’s no surprise that they may be hesitant to go to school at the start of the year.

It’s also helpful to understand how your child’s anxiety typically manifests—whether through anger, tears, avoidance, or sullen behaviour. Recognition becomes easier as you get better at tuning into your child’s wavelength.

2. Validate how they feel

Above all, kids want someone to understand their anxiety. You don’t have to fix the problem, but it’s important to show that you understand they’re feeling anxious. Match your response to theirs. If they’re really upset, speak with an energy and tone just below theirs, then gradually lower your energy and tone. This will help to calm their emotional response. It’s also a great way to help your child develop a more nuanced vocabulary. An “Ahhhh” statement is a brilliant way to validate how your child is feeling. “Ahhh, you’re feeling anxious right now… Ahhh, you’re having one of these I might mess up thoughts…Ahhh, you’re feeling nervous about tomorrow’s…”

3. Prompt deep, slow breathing

Encourage your child to take deep, slow belly breaths to help lower their emotional levels. If deep breathing is new to them, breathe together at a steady pace. Deep breathing is the quickest way to activate your child’s relaxation response and calm them down.

4. Bring their attention back to the present

An anxious child’s thoughts are always focused on the future. They worry about what may happen. It’s essential to redirect your child’s attention to the present. The easiest way to do this is through engaging the senses. Ask your child to name five things they can see, then four things they can hear, and finally three things they physically feel (e.g. the wind on their face). This simple mindfulness exercise should be the key tool in your mental health toolkit, positioned right at the top of your deep breathing techniques.

5. Guide them to take action that matters

When your child or teenager has calmed down, steer them towards the action that matters. If it’s a test at school that’s led to an anxious moment, then help your child make plans to tackle the test as best they can. Talk through how they can prepare. Remind them about what’s important: doing your best, playing with friends, and enjoying the sport—processes rather than results.

Do everything you can to relieve the pressure and stress in a situation, but don’t let avoidance be the default option.

Although not a standalone step in your Anxiety Response Plan, helping your anxious child to cope with their discomfort is an approach you can weave into your validation of their experience of anxiety. Tolerating discomfort means being prepared to sit with uncomfortable or emotionally painful feelings.

Consider discomfort as a muscle that grows stronger through training. Opportunities arise frequently, such as when a child is:

• feeling hungry

• wanting something they can’t have

• having to wrap up screentime

• contributing to household chores.

Tolerating discomfort doesn’t mean just toughing it out. It’s about teaching an anxious child to notice how they’re feeling, how to name their emotions, and to practise acceptance of those feelings in the moment, all while knowing that a warm and comforting parent lovingly supports them.

Couple tolerating discomfort with social rewards (such as praise or a shared fun activity) for coping behaviours, and you’re helping strengthen genuine resilience.

Finally…

Anxious kids often need help making the metaphorical step back to see the bigger picture. They need someone to assist them in perceiving things as they are, rather than through the clouded lens of anxiety.

As you gain a clear understanding of what’s happening in the moment with your anxious child, part of your role will be to consider what is hindering their progress, assist them in lightening the burden that may weigh them down, and encourage them to approach life one step at a time.

CCSP Resources: Our Catholic Faith 2026 and Acknowledgement of Country

The Council of Catholic School Parents NSW/ACT has recently updated Our Catholic Faith: A handbook for parents and families of students in NSW/ACT Catholic Schools for 2026. 

Our Catholic Faith explains some Catholic beliefs and traditions, parents and families might hear their child talk about when they’re discussing their religious education and Catholic events parents and carers may be invited to attend during the school year. With sections about liturgy and Mass, faith formation, the Catholic calendar, prayers and a Catholic A-Z glossary, you’ll find this the perfect guide to what makes a school Catholic. You can download the document from this link.

They have also developed a new resource to support respectful engagement with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures. It explains the difference between a Welcome to Country and an Acknowledgment of Country, includes a template example, and features a Country map to help identify Traditional Custodians. Download the PDF from here.

We are a school in the Edmund Rice tradition, and our revised Charter, approved by the Vatican, is explicit in what ”Ways of Knowing” underpin the Touchstones. They are the ways of SCRIPTURE, CHURCH AND FIRST NATIONS. This is described in the Gospel of Matthew in the parable of the sheep and the goats. ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25: 40). For us, an Australian EREA school, we have identified First Nations people as one important group who can be described in our context as “the least of these”. Of course, they are not the only ones in our society who need advocacy, but it does help to explain WHY we are purposeful and proud to refer to their particular situation constantly.

Community News

• Congratulations to Mrs Constance Lukas on the birth of her baby boy Niko Lukas, born on 24 July.

   

• Please keep Fr Jack Evans, College Chaplain, in your prayers as he is in hospital at present.

   

• Ms Christine Daoud-Aytee (RE Faculty) has tendered her resignation, and her last day at St Patrick’s College will be Monday, 25 August 2025. I thank her for her two years with us on staff. I will advise the community once arrangements have been made to replace Christine.

Consultation for Draft Strategic Plan 2026 - 2030

We warmly invite all parents and carers in our school community to the upcoming Parents and Friends Parent Forum, to be held on Tuesday, 5 August at 7:00 pm on Level 1 of the Scientia Building.

This term, Mr Byrne and I will be presenting a draft of our new Strategic Plan for the school, offering valuable insights into the exciting direction and future development of our learning community. This has been developed using all the data synthesised from the recent MMG Surveys of the entire community.

This forum is a wonderful opportunity for parents and carers to engage directly with the vision that will shape our school over the coming years. Your presence is vital as we work together to support and enrich the educational experience for all students.

Please register your attendance via the link below: 

P&F General Meeting and Parent Forum

We look forward to seeing you there and sharing this important milestone with you.

In Memoriam

We keep in our prayers the family of Makini Brown (Year 8) and Alexander Johari Brown (Year 5) on the sad passing of their paternal grandfather last week. Kevin Brown was 90 years old; may his soul rest in eternal peace.

Dr Vittoria Lavorato

Principal

SPC boys can do anything! 

**except divide by zero