Middle Years 

Self-compassion during tough times

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading about self-compassion. I always thought of it as an alternative approach to wellbeing, but the more I’ve researched the more intrigued I’ve been by this approach to getting through tough times.   

Self-compassion is a powerful way to deal with stressful situations. It’s about showing the same concern, kindness, and care to yourself as you would towards a friend. Typically, we are tougher on ourselves than to people we care about, and self-compassion is a way around this. 

A self-compassionate student is likely to be mindful of their pain and willing to acknowledge the painful emotions rather than ignore them. These students typically do not focus on the bad, but rather look at things with perspective. They also keep in mind that everyone encounters challenges in life and that they’re not alone. 

According to research, there are three benefits of self-compassion: 

1. Self-compassion can buffer the negative effects of suffering. People who show self-compassion are less likely to experience anxiety and depression. 
2. Students can face stress and anxiety in more of a self-supportive way thanks to self-compassion. Showing compassion towards the recurrent uncertainty we all experience creates a sense of emotional safety. This safety is what prevents us from being overtaken by fear. 
3. It can help students deal with mistakes, failures, and stressful events in a healthy manner. This can be learned during a crisis and can also help promote their well-being.

Here are four ways to give your self-compassion skills a quick boost:

• Comfort and look after your body. Eat healthily. Rest well. Massage your own neck, feet, or hands. Take a walk. Anything you can do to improve how you feel physically gives you a dose of self-compassion.
• Write a letter to yourself. Think of a situation that caused you to feel pain and write a letter to yourself describing the situation, but without blaming anyone — including yourself. Use this exercise to nurture your feelings.
• Encourage yourself. Think of what you would say to a good friend if they were facing a difficult or stressful situation. Then, when you find yourself in this kind of situation, direct these compassionate responses toward yourself.
• Be generous to others. Have fun being generous and observe the difference you make and do not forget to give back to yourself. Doing good for others makes us happy, but only if it does not reduce our own levels of wellbeing.
• Practice mindfulness. Even a quick exercise can be a great way to nurture and accept ourselves while we're in pain. 

By building and acquiring self-compassion, we allow our students to focus on their strengths, perform better at school, and protect their wellbeing. It’s a lot less alternative than I initially thought!  

Ben Hawthorne

Head of Middle Years