Wellbeing

Chaplain’s Chat

Self-Regulation

Whilst having lunch at an outside café in a beach side town I observed a young girl, aged about 6 sitting on the ground away from her family but still observed by them. Looking at her I could see the tell-tale signs of a significant tantrum, I have no idea what the issue was but it appeared she had been removed from the shared family space in an attempt to calm down.  After a period of time her father came to her, squatted down beside her and began talking quietly and calmly.  He was there for quite a while and gave her his full attention. I didn’t hear any of the conversation but I didn’t need to, I had been a part of similar conversations on many previous occasions.   He was demonstrating very effectively how to support his young child in the development of her self-regulation.  

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your own energy states, emotions, behaviors and attentions in ways that are socially acceptable and help to achieve positive goals.  Good self-regulation is such a vital key to achieving success in so many areas of life. 

Stress in a child’s world will result in an imbalance between energy input and energy output, leading to poor self-regulation. Stressors include; unrealistic expectations, insufficient human interaction, unregulated use of e-devices/games, poor sleep patterns, poor nutrition, conflict and unregulated TV.

We need to reduce the pressures and stress on our children when they are young so they can better self-regulate and develop healthy relationships with themselves, with others and with their world.  Activities that will reduce stress and enhance self-regulation include; sport, music, deep loving relationships, real play, art, safe touch, drama(play) and safe routines.

Research suggests that there are three main ways to assist children to develop self-regulation.

• Identify and reduce stressors
• Develop your own and their awareness around energy shifts. Allowing you to change expectations and provide support.
• Teach and encourage self-regulation techniques, especially deep breathing, use of meditation (or other calming processes), exercise (for fun not to win) and support for them to achieve and maintain healthy sleeping patterns.

These goals take intentional, planning, commitment and persistence but ultimately, they will support the positive development of a happy young person and adult, who is able to set goals and achieve them.

For further reading on this topic look up the work of Dr Stuart Shanker, research professor at York University and an expert on self-regulation. 

Gill Van Der Ende

Chaplain