Principal's Message

Father's Day

This Sunday, our attention will return to the important role that fathers, grandfathers and other significant male figures play within families and our wider community – a vital role that has been highlighted and celebrated as part of the Year 9 Becoming Men program and is referenced to regularly throughout all of our College Formation Programs. I trust that we will all take some time to make a fuss of the fathers in our lives and personally, I look forward to some extra cuddles as I enjoy my first year as a grandfather.

In our fast-paced world, where being time-poor seems to be the norm, the traditional role of the father is increasingly being contextualised amidst the busy ways of modern life. However, the important relationships that Fathers form with their children has not changed and remains as most valuable. Father’s Day is a timely reminder for us to focus on the special and unique relationship that fathers have with their children, both sons and daughters.

Child Development Specialists suggest that the ‘language of Fatherhood’ is about activity and forming memorable moments. Particularly when children are younger, dads are often viewed as the all action figure that tends to relate to their children through activity. Put simply, dads teach many important lessons through being actively involved with their children, particularly their sons. Learning to be a good sport, to share, to play fair, to plan things out and to value teamwork are lessons that fathers tend to teach their children in very hands-on ways. Research suggests that playing sport, wrestling, tinkering and ‘fixing things’ are the means through which such life lessons often emerge, and it is through such activities that children form relationships with their fathers. While not seeking to overly generalise, the same research goes on to suggest that Mothers tend to interact with their children a little differently. They communicate more verbally, are more astute at developing interpersonal skills and are more likely to relate emotionally with their children. Mothers are good at being mums and we should all be grateful for that! Fathers are good at being dads and we should be equally grateful for that!

This does not change in adolescence. Teenage children, both sons and daughters still value time and activities with their fathers. Once again, established research suggests that the effectiveness of a father’s relationship with their adolescent children is dependent on the quality, not necessarily the quantity, of their first-hand interactions with their children. Michael Grose, a leading parenting educator and author of the highly respected Parenting Ideas series, says that for Fathers “… it is more about their presence (being around) and less about their presents (gifts)”. He suggests that it is through shared activity and direct involvement in their children’s lives, that fathers create important relationships and build up ‘Frequent Father Points’. The challenge that we all have as fathers in our busy world is creating such opportunities to bank some of these Points.  

The unique nature of the father/daughter relationship is equally important.  The notion of a Father who is present, available and attentive affords a sense of security to a young girl. Numerous studies have linked fathers with the healthy development of girls, particularly with regard to their self-esteem and confidence during the adolescent years. It is very important for fathers to compliment their daughters genuinely and consistently in adolescence when body image doubts are very common. Encouraging words and praise from a father have great currency in a girl’s world. Fathers are also the first introduction to the world of men for girls so it is important that fathers treat their daughters with gentleness and respect, but also encourage them to be assertive and aspirational. In a sense, fathers teach their daughters how they should expect to be respected as they develop and get older. Similarly, fathers teach their sons how to be respectful, loyal and the importance of integrity. What a wonderful privilege and an important responsibility.

Other celebrated authors such as Steve Biddulph and Tim Hawkes have emphasised the important role of fathers in being an example and ‘voice of reason’ in a world that is increasingly driven by social media and advancements in technology. They suggest that the current generation of young people are in dire need of some old-fashioned, very grounded fatherly advice such as, ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself’, ‘Treat others with respect at all times’ and ‘Think before you speak/tweet/post/snapchat anything …about anyone’. Fathers have a very important role in both showing the way and in correcting the way. It is an important reminder that children, particularly boys, need good men around them to model how to relate, how to behave and how to live a good life. Raimond Gaita, author of the wonderful book Romulus, My Father, articulated this notion beautifully when he wrote, “I know what a good man is, because I’ve seen it in my father.”

As Father’s Day is celebrated on Sunday, and fathers and grandfathers are ‘spoiled’ for the day, it may be a timely reminder for all the dads to look for ways to spoil ourselves (and our children more often) by spending regular and quality time with them - just being dad.

Happy Father’s Day.

Live Jesus in our hearts.