Wellbeing

Dealing with Disappointment

We all know that disappointments happen. It’s just the way things go sometimes in life … and yet, it can be difficult to accept disappointment and move through it.

For children, feelings of disappointment can be very big and challenging. When children experience disappointment, it may often seem like “it’s the end of the world.”

As parents we care and love our children. We have a strong desire to protect them from any hurt or disappointment, whether it’s not getting something they really wanted; not getting the grade they expected in an assignment; not being selected for a particular team; not winning their sport match even if they played well, and so forth.

The irony is that disappointments are actually beneficial for kids. Learning to deal with setbacks helps them develop key characteristics they’ll need to succeed, such as coping skills, emotional resilience, creative thinking, and the ability to collaborate.

“Parents see failure as a source of pain for their child instead of an opportunity for him/her to say, ‘I can deal with this. I’m strong,'” says Madeline Levine, Ph.D., author of The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.

By supporting our children to move through disappointment, we can help them to become stronger, and more resilient. If we teach children coping skills to handle “hard to have” feelings like disappointment, they will be more confident and less afraid to move forward.

Four Steps to Dealing with Disappointment

1. Allow your child to feel sad or let down.

It’s OK to feel let down. Even if it’s a small thing (e.g. a friend cancels a playdate) allow them to experience whatever it is that they’re feeling. Whether big or small, disappointments are not fun. Name the feeling by saying, “I can see you’re really disappointed. I have had big disappointments too. You’re having a disappointment storm in your body.”

2. If your child is expressing disappointment by hitting or saying mean things, tell your child it’s OK to be upset, but it’s not OK to be mean. “I can listen to your disappointment, but I won’t let you hurt anyone or anything.” This needs to be a firm boundary. Some children like parents to be close … others want to be left alone.

3. Watch for the emotion to settle down.

When your child starts to settle down, you can process the emotion with them. It can be helpful to tell stories of times when you were deeply disappointed. Children love to hear real life stories.

4. Focus on something positive and put the disappointment into perspective. It’s important not to fix the disappointment. If parents do that, children will expect others to fix all of their disappointments! Instead, help your child see the good things that are still available. For instance, if they missed a playdate, they can remember that there will be playdates in the future.

Overall, one of the best things that parents can do is to recall moments of deep disappointment and remember what helped them get through those times. From these experiences we can pass on tools to our children that are real and effective

Parent Forum

July 2021 Adelaide

Forum for parents and carers of children with a disability

Parents and carers of children with a disability are invited to join a free information and networking forum in Adelaide hosted by the Department for Education.

Theme: Navigating Together

Forum topics will include:

· Transition to high school

· The behaviour support toolkit

· Student support services – making connections.

When: Thursday 1st July 2021

Time: 9.30am to 2.00pm

More information about the parent forum July 2021 Adelaide is on the SERU website: http://web.seru.sa.edu.au/parent-forum/.

Parents and carers can register at Eventbrite on: https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/parent-forum-july-1-2021-adelaide-registration-156458261873.