From The Counselling Suite

Adolescent Anger

Adolescence is a time of change. Dealing with the unexpected almost always raises anxiety levels and causes stress. Some young people are very resilient and cope well the stressors, whereas others struggle to conquer the anxiety and stress created by the unexpected.  

 

For those young men who struggle through adolescence, one of the most unpleasant and unwanted changes that parents observe is that they change from happy and agreeable little boys into raging and angry young men, and this change, it seems, can happen overnight.   And what is often most puzzling to parents is that neither the parents nor the young man himself really understand what it is that they are angry about. In many adolescent males anger is the first response to the anxiety and stress they feel.

 

While it can be very unpleasant to have an angry adolescent male, most of the time it doesn’t cause too many problems; anger can range from mild annoyance to intense rage, and there are some issues that it is good for our young men to be angry about such as social injustice and environment degradation. However, when the anger is more than just angry feelings and translates into angry behaviour it becomes problematic. Angry behaviours include yelling, throwing things, punching and kicking, vandalism and the like. If these angry behaviours are not properly controlled and lead to violence and abuse and fear, then this can cause significant problems for the young man.  

 

It is important to manage anger before it leads to serious problems. As well as angry behaviours, failure to manage anger often results in problems in friendship and family relationships, school issues, depression and low self-esteem. Some people believe that it is better to vent than to bottle up the anger and then explode, but it depends on how the venting is done. Just ‘letting it rip’ often exacerbates the problem and escalates the anger and aggression doing little to resolve the situation. 

 

It is so much better to express angry feelings in a controlled way, and so let out the steam, acknowledging the anger and looking for the reasons behind the angry feelings.

 

One of the best ways that parents can help their young men manage their anger is to start when they are young. If we want to influence the way our adolescent behaves then we must be consistent with the way we handle those, much earlier, angry outbursts. Listen carefully to what your young child says when he is angry, giving him plenty of opportunity to help you to understand why he is angry (not always an easy task), but then, most importantly, ensure that your youngster knows what is acceptable and what is not acceptable angry behaviours; consistently impose consequences for unacceptable angry behaviours, encourage meaningful apologies and restorative practices such as repairing damaged toys and furniture. Finally, model healthy angry practices yourself. When you are angry, don’t be afraid to let your young child know that you are angry, but always explain why, and how you intend to manage your angry feelings so that they do not turn into destructive behaviours.   

 

If as parents, you can manage this while your child is still young and impressionable, then you are more likely to handle the adolescent anger in a more productive and satisfying manner.

 

Please contact the Counselling Team for assistance counselling@bps.sa.edu.au

 

Ms Cathie Oswald

School Counsellor (Monday, Thursday and Friday)

 

Mrs Karen Davies

School Psychologist (Tuesday and Thursday)