Assistant Principal - Pastoral Care

Freedom to Be Yourself

“Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.” Eckhart Tolle

Catching the end of a 7:30 report on ABC, I heard a woman who lives in a Middle Eastern nation say that when you live in a country with freedom you take these freedoms for granted and don’t give them a second thought. When you live in one without freedom, this is all you think about.

By and large I imagine that this is quite true for us living in Australian society. We have many civil and political freedoms – free elections that we grumble about, freedom of speech, trade unions, freedom of assembly and association, independent courts and judicial system, freedom of the press (AFP raids on the ABC aside), freedom of movement and freedom of religion. Australia is very much the living embodiment of a liberal democratic society.

Despite such freedoms existing, many of our young people grow up feeling trapped, shackled and restricted. The paradox of living in this age of freedom and individualism is that many feel unable to truly be themselves. In answering the question: “Isn't the battle for freedom for the individual the modern western reality?” Hugh Mackay, the great Australian social researcher responded:

The rise of individualism I think is one of the great cancers of contemporary society, which denies the deepest and I think most significant truth about human beings, which is that we are social animals.

We absolutely depend on communities to nurture us and sustain us and the point that we sometimes overlook in the march of individualism is that communities also need us to nurture and sustain them.

One of the great challenges I believe for young people today is to be genuinely and authentically themselves. This challenge stems from their early and sustained exposure to toxic media images and messages driven by a materialistic and consumer culture. Once upon a time parents could turn off the television or change the channel in an effort to manage the material their children were exposed to; now the smartphone, computer and tablet penetrate the home 24 hours a day. The consequence for impressionable and vulnerable young people is that they are pressured to behave and adopt roles that are often contrary to who they are as a person. The often unmediated and uncontested models they are presented infiltrates their psyche and becomes a way of existing in the world.

The issues stemming from such roles are often magnified at school where young people encounter each other in a maelstrom of hormones, insecure identities and high status social agendas all whilst trying to forge an adult sense of self.

Generally, I feel that students who are in Years 11 and 12, whilst not oblivious to these pressures, are usually on the way to knowing who they are as a person. Some are more scarred and wounded than others but they get to the other side in one piece. The impact this process can have on them as a learner can be significant. This is because the most fractious, turbulent years are from Years 8 to 10. Unfortunately, during this tumultuous three-year period, this is when students are refining the learning habits and dispositions that will shape the way they approach the last years of school. Helping young people navigate this period of their lives is critical and requires home, school and community to work together to put the necessary supports and guidance in place so that they don’t become ‘lost’ years.

A number of times when speaking to a parent about the behaviour of their child they will be shocked and surprised and feel that they don’t rightly know the young person. This is not a unique or unusual experience. It tends to be true of us all, we all wear different masks depending on the context we are within. Shakespeare recognised this 500 years ago when he said “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”. This is often my experience when dealing with some students. How they speak and behave in front of their peers can radically change when they are by themselves. This is something I discuss with these students, trying to help them find ways to be consistent and true to who they are regardless of the audience and situation. Many recognise that they struggle with this, that there is considerable pressure to be something they are not for the sake of acceptance. This is why we have enacted the Gender Program in Years 7 to 9 as a counter-cultural intervention designed to inform students about some of the more toxic messages prevalent in society and to support them in rejecting such negative behaviours.

Clearly, the challenge for any secondary school then is to help young people steer their way through such a contentious period of their lives. To help them be secure in their identity and feel comfortable in their own ‘skin’, to be themselves and not some shallow, superficial role conveniently adopted from pop culture.

In concert with this, we strive to work with students on how they treat each other. In our wider culture it has become commonplace (certainly in many reality television shows) to knock, criticise, condemn, ostracise, marginalise, demonise and vilify those who are different, ‘weaker’ or who do not conform. Schools sadly are not immune to such ways of thinking and behaving. It is imperative that young people understand that to be free, truly be yourself, you have to allow others to be free. This means halting the put downs, the taunts, the negative comments and seeking to ‘police’ the way others behave; patterns of behaviour that often begin well before secondary school (as I have learned from my granddaughters’ experiences in pre-school). Booker T Washington reflected on this idea when considering the insidious effects of slavery: “You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.” Engendering an environment that values, tolerates and respects difference is something that we strive for each day. Parents can support this firstly through the things they say because they are always the first and most powerful role model that children have. Secondly, by being connected to your child’s social media accounts and discussing with them regularly the ways in which they are commenting on, and about others. This is one of the areas where many of our problems begin to manifest themselves.

Furthermore, to be truly free we have to become more compassionate with one another. Compassion is not feeling sorry for others but deliberately and consciously showing kindness and respect to everyone we encounter. As Hugh Mackay argues, once you make compassion your default position you have the “capacity to respond” to others’ needs regardless of the circumstances. When we respond this way we “transform” our environments, society and thus ourselves. This begins simply with acknowledging others with a smile, saying hello, being polite and courteous (regardless of the disposition of the other person) and, most challenging, putting the needs of others ahead of self. Invariably, most problems I encounter begin and end with self-centred behaviour. People who feel truly secure in themselves are able to accept and value others without hesitation and are much more likely to be selfless than selfish.

Being true to oneself is one of the essential aspects of being human. A lifetime can be spent trying to work this out. Knowing this and grappling with it on a conscious level can help us find that authentic person and thus enabling us to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. As the late Steve Jobs said: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

In accepting ourselves we are entering one of the deepest traditions of our faith, that we are made in the image and likeness of God.

Mr Mick Larkin - Assistant Principal - Pastoral Care