Great Ryrie Grapevine

Chaplain’s Spot

Chaplain’s Spot

Chaplain’s Comedy Corner 

Hi everyone,

I thought I might bring some one-line jokes this time. Students are helping me to create the next article. Stay tuned. 

I have shared some of these with staff at the end of last year. See what you think. If you think they are even worse than Dad jokes, well I am a Grandpa, so doubly pun-ny!

  1. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  2. I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.
  3. Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist. 
  4. Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at. 
  5. 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated. So the earth is, in fact, flat.
  6. Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer. 
  7. Bravely killed a bug at home. Then realized it was a piece of lint. 
  8. Velcro is a complete ripoff. 
  9. I walked past a farm, and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought that was an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
  10. What’s Forrest Gump’s password. 1Forrest1.
  11. I sympathize with batteries. I’m not included in anything either.
  12. I like what mechanics wear…overall.
  13. The CEO of Ikea was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
  14. An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them and says… “What is this, some kind of joke?”
  15. Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You ARE on the other side of the river.” 
  16. Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but if you remove it, you get…. Gravy. 
  17. If a child refuses to take a nap, does that mean they are resisting arrest? 
  18. I sent my hearing aids in for repair 3 weeks ago. I haven’t heard anything since. 
  19. What’s a forklift? Food usually.
  20. Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.

Second-hand uniform update: We have had many donations for the start of the year. Our racks are full, and there are more items available as well. Thank you to all who have donated back to our school community.

Toast Tuesday: Thanks to those who have offered to help at Toast Tuesday. We only have 2 slots left for the term, which is fabulous. 

The Term 1 roster link is volunteersignup.org/MXBBB.

Meal Train roster:  

There are still dates available for our weekly emergency meal, which is very encouraging. Thank you to those who have already volunteered. The link is mealtrain.com/vlwooz.

 

FRIDAY FUN: Today’s joke is: I just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA. It should look cool on my black jeep. 

 

Contact:

If you need to contact me, you can email me, or phone or see me on my days as listed. 

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Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Monday, Tuesday, Friday]

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au] Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government’s ‘National Student Wellbeing Program’, the GRPS School Council and donations.