Teen Talk

Jeremy Fiske

School Nurse

While it’s tempting to try and forget that Covid was a thing (it still is), the reality is that it made a huge impact on every single one of us and the implications of that impact will be fully revealed only as time passes. Just knowing that two years of lockdown is a significantly greater proportion of a young person’s life than it is of their parents means we can expect some complex ramifications. One such ramification being discussed early on was ‘what will the impacts of disrupted socialisation look like for young people?’ As with all other skills, social skills are learned; the framework is laid down in the earliest years where it usually begins in the family home through observation and play mimicry. Development through constructed and unconstructed social participation continues throughout their schooling journey once the child is introduced to age-related peers. 

But what might happen if this learning pathway is interrupted? Successive lockdowns have left many adults feeling socially rusty, so it’s quite easy for us to imagine that many young people might feel that their social footing has become quite shaky indeed. But how would you know it, when teenagers are particularly good at hiding their wounds and uncertainties? To use a Nursing analogy, a wound that is hidden is more at risk of festering. Is your teen avoiding social contact? Have they become a little too comfortable with just their own company?

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that unlike when I was a teen, kids today often don’t seem to catch up with their friends on weekends or during the school holidays. By that, I mean spending time together in the flesh - not just on social media. My concern is that successive lockdowns may have enabled a certain sense of isolation to become part of ‘covid normal’ and a social development dead-end. So, with school holidays just around the corner, I would like to suggest three points of consideration a parent may take to encourage, support, and repair their teenager’s social confidence and responsible development.

Consideration 1: Going Out

Helicopter parenting is not cool. Of course you love your kid(s), but teenagers are well on the way to becoming adults and must be able to wear your trust comfortably. Encouraging them to venture out and meet up with friends, enabling them to do that confidently and safely (a mobile phone, a myki card, and enough funds to cover costs of food and a movie or activity), and then being there for them when they get home demonstrates care and trust. Unless you have real cause for concern, resist the urge to ‘check-in’. Teenagers bloom when they know you trust them to learn to make good decisions. A safety net is meant to be enabling. Think of this circus analogy: the net doesn’t stop the fall; it allows the performer to fall and fall again until they learn how not to fall. On the other hand, a leash or bubble can stall the experience of learning.

Consideration 2: Staying In

Make your home a safe and enjoyable place for your teen’s friends to visit. This one is simple: listen to your kids, keep it simple, act normal and don’t be embarrassing, and most importantly… allow some privacy. Try not to take offence if your teen’s crew mostly opt to hang out elsewhere. Remember, it’s not a competition; teens can be fickle creatures and someone else may have a pool, the latest (insert whatever), or just be closer and easier to get to. But if they do come to your house,  you supply snacks, allow privacy, and don’t helicopter, they will be grateful. Note: they may not express their gratitude (that’s advanced diploma-level 'teening') but know that if they come back then you can pat yourself on the back for having got it right.

Consideration 3: Discuss This Article 

In order to facilitate the two previous considerations, I suggest that you spend some time with your teen reading and discussing this article. Please don’t approach the topic by first listing a bunch of ground-rules. Have an open conversation over dinner and genuinely seek their input. If this is unfamiliar territory, then it’s a good opportunity to find out how best you can support them. You don’t have to agree on everything, but it is good to know where each other stand so that a spirit of give-and-take can join you on the journey.

Resources

If you are interested in further help and information on this topic, please visit Reachout / Parents and Ted Talk.