Gratitude

Gratitude is being thankful for the good things that happen in life. But its more than just saying thank you (that’s good manners), its more importantly about awareness. Showing and expressing gratitude can actually lead to a stronger sense of well-being and improve mental health. Research has shown that gratitude is consistently linked with greater happiness. It helps foster more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve health, deal with adversity, and build stronger relationships.

Teaching children gratitude helps them to look at their situation from a point of appreciation rather than from a deficit. But teaching gratitude can be difficult. We have all these materialistic things flashing in front of our faces in society. While it’s important that we are grateful to have a home to live in or car to get us from A to B, living in a materialistic world full of technology can sometimes take priority. Instilling gratitude is more important than ever.

I recall over Christmas, our wi-fi router unexpectantly died. That meant no wi-fi for a few days while we awaited a new one to arrive in the post. Shock horror. My kids thought their world had ended! I immediately found myself saying “Back in my day, when I was your age, we had no ipads/internet. Be grateful for all the other things you have”. But when I took a step back and put myself in their shoes, I could see why the loss of technology had them upset! After living almost two years through Covid and lockdowns, (ultimately more than a third of my daughters’ entire life), their little lives had relied so heavily on technology. They did their schoolwork online and most importantly; technology had been their means of social connectedness with their families and friends while we unable to live our ‘normal’ lives. But nonetheless, I was certainly feeling like I had lacked in my parental responsibilities on the gratitude and resilience front.

Some suggestions for helping your child/ren develop a stronger sense of gratitude:

Model gratitude – telling a child to be thankful doesn’t really do anything. Kids learn by example. Think out loud, so your children see and hear the things you are grateful for. Especially when you’re having a tough day yourself.

Create a ritual – for example, each night while eating dinner have each member of the family list one thing they are grateful for during their day. This helps them see that even on a bad day, there is always something they can be grateful for.

Find gratitude in darker times – if or when your family or child is going through some difficult times, look for a small piece of light. Acknowledging that you still have things to be grateful for during such experiences is a skill worth working on to build resilience. It doesn’t mean forgetting the bad, just finding a sliver of good.

Keep a journal – some people have difficulties in verbalising gratitude. Encourage your child to write down or draw the best parts of their day and have a private space for reflection. They can share if they want to or keep it private.

Work through envy – envy comes when we are not thankful for what we have and are more focused on what others have.

Help people less fortunate – simple things like having your children sort through their toys and give to charity. Get them to do some chores to earn money, which they must then give away to a cause of their choice. These types of activities can open the door to some wonderful discussions of empathy and understanding of others as well.

Allow disappointment – it’s human nature to be disappointed. When a gift doesn’t arrive that a child may have been expecting they will be sad, it’s natural. There is nothing wrong with disappointment. Take care not to confuse disappointment with a lack of gratitude.

Instead of giving “things” as gifts, give them time and experiences. Have some one-on-one time doing something special, and let your child know you are grateful for spending special time with them. This not only models gratitude, but shows them things they can be grateful for that are not materialistic.

Write thank you letters – if someone does something nice or sends them a gift when a personal thank you in not possible, have your child phone them or write a thank you note.

During wellbeing classes, we have been working on developing gratitude through a weekly gratitude journal. Many of the students have expressed how much they have been enjoying it, and as the weeks have progressed have become much better at it. If you are looking for a journal that provides prompts for your child I can recommend Big Life Journal – Daily edition for Kids available from biglifejournal.com.au.

Nicki Chalmers

Mental Health and Wellbeing Coordinator.

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