Be Well and Prosper

5 Tips for Helping Your Child to Feel Happy

We all want our children to be happy, right? Amongst other important things of course, but what are some ways that we can support them to feel happy?

Firstly, let’s be clear that children (or even us adults) cannot be happy all of the time - that is not the purpose of these tips. We experience a vast range of emotions, all day, every day…which is normal. Besides this we cannot control the feelings we have, all we can do is learn to cope when we experience emotions that do not “feel good” or are uncomfortable. We can also focus on certain behaviours that are more likely to encourage your child to notice and appreciate the moments in their world that make them feel happy or positive.

1. Set clear and consistent boundaries. What??! I can hear you say in outrage or frustration “But my child throws a tantrum when I put my foot down, or set rules!” Children do not always like rules and boundaries but they do have a positive influence on your child’s wellbeing… but only when the rules are clear, consistent and (based on your child’s development) that they are capable of understanding/following your instructions. When rules are consistently set it not only helps your child feel safe and cared for, but also they know what to expect, so feel an increased sense of confidence and it can also reduce worries and stress.

2. Let them do it for themselves. This one can be tough! Sometimes we hover around out of fear our kids might injure themselves or we are on a tight deadline and it’s easier to put their shoes and socks on than allow our children to do it themselves. However, when we allow our kids the opportunity to make mistakes or to practice looking after themselves not only do they learn about logic, reasoning and consequences (which we really want our kids to know about)… but it also gives them an increased sense of pride and confidence in themselves. Please note that I’m not referring to dangerous situations that need immediate intervention… please jump in as appropriate to keep your child safe. 

3. Teach your child the skills to cope with big feelings. We can’t get rid of or control our feelings… they are automatic responses to “stuff” that happens around us. So instead we can increase our child’s mental wellbeing and confidence in their ability to manage their emotions by giving them the right tools. Teach them the words for feelings; when they know what a feeling is (and not just and uncomfortable feeling in their body) it doesn’t feel so daunting or out of control. And also help them make connections with their experience and the feeling they are having “I can see you really wanted that ice cream and feel sad because I said no”. Not only are you helping them make sense of their internal world, but you are validating their experiences and really hearing them. This can have immediate and positive impacts on the intensity/duration of their big feelings.

4. Let your child play! This one's a good tip because you don’t really need to do anything here. The kind of play I’m talking about is unstructured play, and the reason it’s important is because our children use play to examine their feeling, practice new skills (physical, emotional and social), work through challenges or situations that occurred during their day and it also increases their creativity and ability to self soothe/self direct. 

5. Look after yourself! When you are taking care of your own health and wellbeing you’re more likely to be present and engaged with your child, because you won’t be as stressed, overwhelmed etc. You also model that self care is important, and that in turn they are allowed to look after themselves also. 

This list is not comprehensive as there are, of course, many other ways we can bring happiness into our child’s life; however, these skills/strategies are the building blocks for teaching your child to cope. When our kids can manage the challenges in their world they become resilient and are less likely to be affected (or affected for as long) when stumbling blocks arise. These strategies also directly influence how our children see themselves, as capable, confident people which makes all the difference to their mental health and wellbeing.

From: Tomlinson, R. (2020, May 3). Toward Wellbeing. Toward Wellbeing. 

https://www.towardwellbeing.com/blog-1/2020/5/3/5TipsforHelpingYourChildtoFeel%20Happy

Aitken Wellbeing Committee